Month: November 2022

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Parents Zone Parents Zone Parents Zone

Siblings often quarrel with each other and the role of parents is especially important.

November 2022

Written by : Founder of Family Dynamics

                    Marriage and Family Therapist

                    Children Play Therapist          

Ng Yee Kam


In recent play therapy cases, several of the children’s emotional problems were related to their young siblings’ relationship. Most of these problems were not caused by major arguments, but rather by subtle interactions in which each child was seeking the mother’s attention, comparing how much positive feedback they received from each other, and comparing who the mother “loved” more! Children often fight with each other because they are jealous of their siblings and take the opportunity to vent their frustrations.

 

It is true that everyone is “biased” and so are parents. Both inborn and nurtured personalities can lead to a preference for certain behaviors and behavioral patterns. If parents do not think about this, they will not suddenly become more open-minded because their children are their own.

 

Parents may be more appreciative of certain traits and more resistant to certain traits in their children’s different personalities. This is understandable. The problem is that parents must be aware of this situation and be aware of it and allow themselves to grow beyond the narrow framework of their parental role, increase the breadth and width of their own vision, learn to appreciate the differences in their children’s personalities, and appreciate their children’s unique strengths from the bottom of their hearts, and pass them on in their daily lives so that their children can receive them and affirm themselves. This will prevent the problem of sibling rivalry from worsening and causing unnecessary jealousy and suspicion in children.

 

The mother’s role is especially important during the early years of a child’s life because the quality of the mother’s interaction with the child has a critical impact on the child’s self-worth and sense of security. In these recent cases, it was not uncommon to find that the children had a sibling in the family who was cheerful, understanding, and liked to express herself, and was well liked by adults and teachers. I could see the mother’s joy and pride when describing her child. No wonder the children in these cases often felt compared to the others because they were more introverted, reticent, shy and cautious.

One mother was aware of the need to appreciate her son’s abilities, so she kept praising him, but in terms of character, she inadvertently encouraged her son to follow her sister’s example by expressing himself more and integrating into the group. However, this is not the nature of the child’s character and makes the child suspect that there must be something wrong with his or her character that cannot be accepted by the mother. This internal pain can easily turn into jealous emotions towards the elder sister, making the parents feel that the child’s attitude towards his/her sister is unreasonable, and further preventing the child from breaking out of this negative cycle.

 

I suggest that parents should not compare their children. For children who are more introverted, shy, reticent and cautious, they should be more reassuring: “ You do not need to force yourself to play with children like your brother, you quietly observe is already a kind of participation, when you feel at ease then go out to play is not too late. Or, “Not every child needs to be as talkative as their elder sister or like to perform in front of people; Mom likes it when you can express yourself as you see fit. “

For children who are more reactive and impulsive, listen to them first and then help them correct their behavior if it is safe to do so: “You are reacting so strongly to hit your brother, you must feel very angry inside, let me hear how you feel, okay? Sometimes parents do have to deal with their children “fighting for something,” but more often than not, what parents need to do is to meet their children’s psychological and emotional needs and affirm their true nature, so that their children can naturally get along well.

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Don’t be the “audience” for your child’s “acting”

November 2022

Written by: Founder & Volunteer Director of Good Love Passion　

　　　         Lam Ho Pui Yee

 

Praise is often misunderstood and misused. Some parents think that praise is a “cure-all” medicine and that their children will accept any praise they are given. In fact, children can’t accept sarcastic praise, and it will only turn them off and backfire. Appropriate praise is more effective than harsh punishment. Some comments can be hurtful and can even affect a child’s personality development for the rest of his or her life. Successful parents take advantage of opportunities to praise or encourage their children, as timely and appropriate praise can be motivating and inspiring, enabling children to grow in the right direction.

 

Smile and make eye contact at the same time

When praising your child, parents must smile and look into your child’s eyes at the same time. Such sincere feelings are the happiest and overflowing. Because praise is a double-edged sword – the right kind of praise will make a person feel confident and happy and move forward, but the wrong kind of praise will make a child lose his or her way and stagnate.

 

For example, when a child refuses to “sit down”, the parent should say “please sit down” with a matching expression. If the child is willing to comply, the parent can praise him immediately and then play a fun game with him. But if the child still does not comply, the parent can immediately take the child away from the scene to divert attention and guide him to follow instructions. Or when you tell the child to put the toy away, but he still looks at you and tosses the toy, testing to see if you will let him go. You can then say to him in a calm and gentle tone, “Please put the toys away gently,” or “Let’s learn to put away the toys together, okay?

Guide your child to understand that expression is appropriate

Parents don’t have to tolerate their children’s bad behavior and minimize arguing or reassuring remarks, which only gives the child more room to continue “acting out” because they have found an “audience”, and some children may even be aggravated by your ignoring them or getting upset. We need to guide our children to understand that the only way to get what they want is to express themselves in an appropriate way. As long as the parent persists, the child will understand that the behavior will not get the parent’s attention and will naturally give up.

If the child stops this behavior, the parent can respond immediately by praising him for being quiet and then diverting his attention to other activities. Whenever a child receives praise from others, he or she will naturally exude confidence and joy, as well as a sense of trust and affection for the person who praised him or her. However, the repetition of a single form of praise over time can be ineffective, so parents should be careful to be creative in their praise.

  

Pay attention to the tone of voice and lead by example

Children are a gift from God, and it is only through love that other aspects of accomplishment do not become a form of bragging and pride. The difference in the tone of voice is enough to affect the parent-child relationship of detachment or closeness. Parents’ emotions and behaviors are related to their children’s future learning attitudes and personality traits. Because children mostly learn by groping and imitation, children will observe their parents’ treatment of others and use of words and phrases to learn their own emotional management and interpersonal relationships, so the importance of parents leading by example cannot be ignored. Even a hug, a smile or a look can establish a kind of appreciation. Parents are far more influential to children than teachers or peers. The more encouragement a child receives as they grow, the better it will be for their future development.

 

Each child has different characteristics, and parents should observe and explore their potential, allowing them to develop according to their strengths. “Encouragement helps children to grow, while scolding makes them timid. But the two must go hand in hand and not be biased.” Only through a clear distinction between rewards and punishments can children feel loved by their parents and know how to face mistakes and take responsibility for their own development.

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Eye rubbing too much. What to do if eye inflammation?

November 2022

Written by : Dr Cheung Kit

 

Every child has his or her own characteristics. As a parent, you may not be able to tell what your child is trying to express by their expressions, behaviors and vocalizations. Take the example of a child’s reaction to dozing, the form of expression varies fromperson to person.Some may cry, some may lose their temper, some may rub their eyes, or a variety of other reactions. Among the many reactions, in my position as a doctor, the most unwanted habit is “rubbing eyes” because this will easily cause inflammation.

  

Eye inflammation is not caused by unclean hands？

Interestingly, the inflammation was not due to the child’s unclean hands, but to other causes. In this case, the inflammation was not initially caused by bacteria, but by a blockage of the secretory glands near the eyelashes. When the hand rubs against the eye, the originally open ventral outlet is disrupted by the external pressure, causing pressure in the gland as the oil cannot be expelled, which then causes an inflammatory reaction. This inflammatory reaction is superficially the same as a normal bacterial inflammation. The difference is that in this case, antibiotics (topical and oral) are not effective. The correct method is to do warm compresses for your eyes, which is intended to open the blocked outlet and make the inflammation disappear slowly.

How to treat eye acne？

To treat an existing eye acne, besides seeing a doctor, the most basic method is to do warm compresses as described above. Choose a reheatable heat pack or use a lightly heated towel. Do warm compresses for 5 minutes, 3 times a day. The need for antibiotics is at the discretion of the doctor. However, the following principles apply.

 

– Whether the inflammation of the eye acne exceeds the normal case

– Is there any bacterial inflammation of the conjunctiva?

– Is the tissue around the eye red and painful?

– Whether the child is able to control his or her own eye rubbing to reduce the

possibility of bacterial inflammation

   

Early treatment of ophthalmia

If the inflammation is not controlled, the swelling may not disappear on its own. In this case, surgical release of the swelling is a must. Although it may sound scary, the procedure is actually a simple one and only requires local anaesthesia. Therefore, parents only need to follow the doctor’s advice and they can rest assured.

All in all, our biggest fear is not that our children’s hands are dirty, but that they keep rubbing eyes. If the eye infection is caused by nasal allergy, eye allergy and eczema, parents must take it seriously. Parents should feel free to use medication when they want to, without having to worry about how long it will take and the side effects that may occur.

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Parents Zone

“Will my son be too thin if he doesn’t eat much?”

November 2022

Written By: Founder of Kat-Spirit Nutrition Centre

　　　          Senior Dietitian Ng Yiu Fun

 

Many parents will bring their children to see me and say, “Is my son too thin? or “His bones are very obvious” or “Look, his ribs are visible, and his arms are still very small! In fact, many parents feel that their children are thin, but in fact, are these cases really thin?

 

In fact, whether it is thin or not, we have to look at the growth chart. If the child is below the growth line, he or she is considered thin. If the child is thin, there is no need to worry too much about health problems. Some parents may say, “No! His classmate next door eats a whole bowl of rice at every meal and eats a lot of meat, but compared to my son, who only eats a few bites of rice at every meal, he really eats too little! I have to find a way to catch up with the next classmate’s meal, so that he can have enough nutrition!

Many parents have a comparative mentality, and I believe that everyone’s needs are actually different. Some children may be really taller, but some children may be genetically influenced, relatively shorter and smaller-boned, so their needs are certainly not the same and their parents don’t need to worry too much.

 

I believe one thing we can do is to keep a happy mood when we eat at home, not to see if he eats every bite of rice, whether he “contains rice” or eats the whole bowl of rice, because constantly forcing him will only add pressure to the child when he eats. If we want him to eat a little more when he eats, it is actually very simple, just prepare a smaller portion of rice in the bowl, let him finish it, and then let him add more rice, so that he has a sense of success, but also help him increase his appetite.

In addition, the meal should not be too monotonous. Some parents say they have cooked their children’s favorite foods to suit their tastes in the hope that they will eat more, but unfortunately the results are not very good. Even if it’s a favorite food, it’s boring and tiresome, so they don’t eat it, which has the opposite effect. Therefore, parents should think of more colorful or different tasting dishes to make their children feel new and interesting, so that they will not feel bored and eat less.

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